July 2017

It has been a difficult time since my last blog with another step change in Anne's condition. The first week of July was one of the hardest I have had to face. After a number of weeks of calm and enjoyment, Anne became very unresponsive and very incontinent. Getting her to move from one room to another was virtually impossible, and on one occasion I had to physically drag her  - a move that fills me with guilt and regret.

For 3 days she remained like this and during this time I felt lonely and a bit vulnerable. It didn't help that the weather outside was grey and wet. On day 4 Anne went to her day centre and returned buoyant and I thought that perhaps she had turned the corner, but on day 5, things reverted to being unresponsive and incontinent.

That was the day I cracked.

Clearly, there had been a build up of unconscious emotion and I sobbed heavily most of that day. I hadn't experienced anything like it since Anne started to go to day care last year. Looking back, I think it was a combination of stress and grief. That week had unquestionably been stressful, but I am convinced that living and caring for a loved one with Alzheimer's results in an extended period of grief that appears to have no end. I know it will end one day, but for now, there is no light at the end of the tunnel.

Since that dark week, things have got much better, although her incontinence has definitely deteriorated, despite being treated for a potential urinary tract infection.

On a slightly lighter note, while visiting family in Edinburgh we went to church where communion was being given. Unlike our own church where we remain in our seats and the bread and wine is passed from one to another, at this church you had to leave your seat and go and receive the bread and wine from a member of the ministry team. I knew that Anne would be confused and so I took the decision to remain seated. However, a family member, on returning from taking communion, asked if I wanted to go, and she would sit with Anne. So I did, but I felt uneasy and somewhat guilty that I had denied Anne the privilege of taking communion, although I could not sense any reaction from her.

Two weeks later, communion was being offered at our own church. As soon as Anne took the bread and wine, she nudged me with a big smile on her face as if to say, "I didn't miss out this time". The joy on her face was very moving. Had I made a mistake two weeks earlier?

Finally, we had Anne's two sisters visiting us for a few days, together with our brother-in-law. It was great to see that Anne still had that sibling recognition. While putting a name to her sisters has been almost lost, I am grateful that she has not lost knowing the faces of her loving sisters.

As I write this, today is the start of another milestone in Anne's progression with Alzheimer's, as she has gone from one to two days a week at day care. I cannot thank Social Services enough in their care for both of us. Their professionalism and compassion are outstanding - something you never hear or read in the media.

Until next month....

aye

Gordon