As you get older and look back on your life there are always some regrets. Fortunately, I don't have too many, i.e., things you said or did, or in my case, things you didn't do.
As a young parent, one of the shameful things I did not do was change a nappy! I just couldn't bring myself to do it with any of our 3 boys, and with Anne being a nurse, she just got on with it. Indeed, Anne was an outstanding mother and home maker. If motherhood were an Olympic "sport", Anne would have been a gold medal champion.
I mentioned last month that there had been a particularly difficult week with Anne being unresponsive and incontinent. Sadly this has continued with a significant deterioration in her incontinence. A course of antibiotics for a potential urinary infection did not make any difference and the obvious conclusion is that another Alzheimer's symptom has taken hold.
I find it ironic that one of my regrets in life is being erased as I have to take care of Anne's deterioration. Unlike a toddler who learns to toilet themselves, Anne's condition will only get worse - it's a reversal of life growth.
As I look out into our garden I see a picture of what is happening to Anne. A few year's ago one of our family gave Anne a miniature willow tree as a birthday gift. It was duly planted and flourished until deer spotted it and started to rub their antlers against the delicate trunk of this small tree - we live on the edge of a forest with amazing wildlife, but deer are not welcome in our garden!
At first, there appeared to be no immediate impact to the tree and each year it would bud and the leaves would flourish, but this year the outward signs are not good. The buds came and the tree produced leaves, but within a few weeks the leaves have shrivelled and the tree is clearly dying.
While I don't want to over dramatise things, and Anne is physically fit and healthy, it is clear that her mental / mind health is getting worse which is slowly beginning to impact her physical body functions.
However, despite her incontinence, this last month has been a good one for both of us. Despite her communication skills having almost gone, that precious smile still lights up my days and I am so grateful that she appears content and at peace with what she has to bear. Perhaps more peaceful than me.
Until next month
aye
Gordon
