This month has confirmed a step change in Anne that I thought was occurring towards the end of April. She is now virtually speechless. Yes, she will occasionally say one word, but these incidents are getting very rare.
She also needs much more assistance with eating, although I am pleased that her appetite has not diminished, and she now requires to be led through the house to get from room to room.
At the beginning of the month we went on a Ramblers walk with our local group. We climbed to the Fyrish monument in Easter Ross and Anne made it to the top with ease. However, instead of returning on the same path it was decided we would take a different route back to the start. As we descended, the path got narrower and we encountered some fallen trees which we could easily walk around. But we soon encountered more trees blocking our path which Anne had difficulty getting over. Then we started to find trees across our path that you had to bend down to get under and it was at this point that Anne froze, not understanding what to do.
In previous posts I have talked about angels, and it was very moving for me to watch an angel arrive to help Anne overcome these obstacles. A wonderful lady in the group, who was walking with us for the first time, gently took control of the situation, taking Anne's arms from behind while I took her legs at the front and we eased her underneath the tree. This happened about four or five times, with the group applauding and Anne smiling. As we left the fallen trees behind, I thanked the lady and said that she seemed to know what she was doing - "I'm an occupational therapist who has specialised in dementia patients" was her response!! "You are an angel", I said in wonderment.
At the end of this month, my wonderful family offered to look after Anne over a long weekend to give me a break and I had three superb days at our caravan. I felt refreshed, but the solitude of those days made me realise what is coming when Anne will require residential care - the circumstances of which I sense are not too far away.
I want to finish this month's blog with a poem that someone sent to me recently:
Do not ask me to remember.
Don't try to make me understand.
Let me rest and know you're with me.
Kiss my cheek and hold my hand.
I'm confused beyond your concept.
I am sad and sick and lost.
All I know is that I need you.
To be with me at all cost.
Do not lose your patience with me.
Do not scold or curse or cry.
I can't help the way I'm acting.
Can't be different 'though I try.
Just remember that I need you.
That the best of me is gone.
Please don't fail to stand beside me.
Love me 'till my life is done.
I no longer know what Anne is thinking but this poem offers a glimpse as well as a challenge to me as I do my best to provide the care she so richly deserves.
until next month,
aye
Gordon
