April 2018

This month is ending with some difficulty. We have been away from home for a couple of short breaks and I am unsure whether this has unsettled Anne.

At the beginning of the month we were invited over to Islay with family and while we really enjoyed our trip I did notice two things about Anne. Firstly, she needed more help than normal with eating and secondly, when it came to going up and down stairs there was real fear in her face and she needed to be encouraged and led up and down. Since we don't have any stairs in our house it was clearly a real challenge for her.

We have just returned from visiting friends in Edinburgh and again Anne struggled with stairs, and while she ate well she did require more help than usual with her eating.

The other thing that has happened this month is that she is becoming uncooperative when it comes to standing up from sitting and getting her undressed. I feel guilty that I am having to drag her up from sitting and at bedtime almost forcing her clothes off her. Indeed, I noticed a small bruise in her arm that I have inflicted upon her. My technique of walking away, coming back and trying again used to work, but I have to admit that my patience is now being truly tested.

I do wonder if we are entering another "step down" phase in her deterioration.

While in Islay we went out for a birthday meal with Anne's two sisters and brother-in-law. We went to a hotel and as we were seated at the table I watched a couple about our age come in to the dining room. Immediately, I felt jealous that these days of going away to a hotel for a couple of days are over for us. I watched as the couple engaged in conversation, smiling and laughing and enjoying their meal.

I can only rely on my memory of precious and romantic times we had over many years.

However, these negative aspects of Alzheimer's are offset by the kindness of strangers. As we were tucking into our celebratory dinner the lady in charge of the hotel came over to ask if everything was alright and Anne's sister explained that we were celebrating Anne's birthday. The lady came up to Anne to wish her well and of course there was no response. I explained that Anne had Alzheimer's and immediately the lady took her hand and smiled. She left and returned with a birthday card for Anne. I was deeply moved. But it didn't stop there.

We retired to the lounge for coffee and the lady came over again and took Anne's hand and smiled and demonstrated genuine compassion. She began to well up and withdrew from the table to weep. She returned to apologise (for which there was no need) and took Anne's hand again. She then summoned the young man who had been our waiter and explained that he was a gold medal singer at the Gaelic Mod Festival and asked him if he would sing to Anne. It was a truly moving experience as we sat and listened to this young man sing to Anne.

A few minutes later the lady returned with her staff and a cup cake with a single candle and sang Happy Birthday to Anne.

Spontaneous compassion is a wonder to behold.

Despite the difficulties, I cling on to these moving moments.


until next month

aye

Gordon