July 2018

This has been a pivotal month for us as we live with Alzheimer's, but more of that in a moment.

Let me start with something that was very strange. Most mornings at breakfast I have to feed Anne with a bowl of cereal, although sometimes she will start feeding herself but get only so far, but most of the time I have to feed her all of the contents. and with encouragement she can drink a cup of coffee herself. 

However, one morning Anne consumed a whole bowl of cereal without any prompting or assistance - where did that come from!! Sadly, that was a one-off - yet another surprise of living with Alzheimer's.

During this month I observed another measure of Anne's continued deterioration. At this time of year when the days are long and the nights short we can get visits from pine marten. This is a beautiful animal that are usually nocturnal but because of the extended daylight can be seen more easily. In the past when we have had visits  from these animals, Anne has got very excited and with her limited vocabulary would shout "look, look!!".

Well when pine marten have come into our garden over recent weeks, Anne has been totally indifferent and showing no interest. Indeed, one came right up to our conservatory door, looking in inquisitively. Anne was no more than a metre away and there was no reaction. A sad reflection of her deterioration.

However, I mentioned at the beginning that this month has been a pivotal one for us. At the request of Social Services I had a review with them about Anne. The outcome of that meeting was that I have taken the decision to put Anne into residential care. In my previous blog I wrote about having extreme back pain one day and as that day progressed Anne was very incontinent and having to deal with that while suffering extreme pain was very difficult. So much so, that at one point I broke down in floods of tears.

It was perhaps the most difficult day I have experienced in this journey. Fortunately my back recovered within a few days, but when I was meeting with Social Services it became very obvious that we should start the process for the next chapter for Anne. I cannot thank our social worker enough - her understanding and compassion was outstanding. Indeed her professional efficiency was second to none. Within 3 days everything was approved, and now we wait for a vacancy to happen in one of two local care homes. 

While not an easy decision to put a loved one into permanent care it is not a surprise. I have always known this time was coming and I am convinced it is time to let go. It has been almost 8 years since Anne was diagnosed and while the first couple of years were easy, the last 4 years in particular have been hard caring for Anne.

Since making the decision, I have been clinging onto something our social worker said to me during our discussion - "Gordon" she said, "when Anne goes into care you will find that you will become a husband again."

Wow - how insightful is that!!  The more I have thought about it, the more impact it has had on me, and now we wait. 

In closing, let me mention again that in early September our local Ramblers group have agreed to incorporate the Alzheimer Scotland Memory Walk in Inverness as part of their programme of walks. We will be walking along the Caledonian Canal and I am hoping that Anne will be able to do it. I say that because I have noticed that after a few miles of walking she starts to lean over to one side.

Anyway, if you would like to sponsor us to raise funds for Alzheimer Scotland you can find our fundraising page at https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/gordon-h-brown

All donations will be gratefully received.

until next month

aye

Gordon