After a meeting with the care home manager, I decided that this was the place for Anne, despite the fact that she would be the youngest resident by some margin. And so on the 13th August we took Anne to her new home. I say "we" because I was wonderfully supported by two of our sons.
That first week, I visited Anne a few times and she warmly greeted me and was trying to show me off to the other residents. I began to be more comfortable in my decision, but when I was home alone I found myself looking over to where Anne usually sat and realising she wasn't there. It really had not sunk in that she wasn't coming back - it felt as if she was in temporary respite care.
At the end of the week a member of staff told me a wonderful story about how a care assistant and Anne had laughed so much that they both cried - while Anne was on the toilet. The mind boggles!!
That feedback helped to significantly reduce any feelings of guilt I had. I was also told that Anne loved to sing along to music, which came as no surprise, and that she was eating well.
The support I have had from family and friends has been quite overwhelming and one particular incident has moved me deeply. During that first week, I took Anne for a routine visit to the dental hygienist. While Anne was being attended to, I sat in reception when our dentist came out, sat beside me, asked how I was, and began to cry as she had heard that Anne was now in the care home. I will never forget that moment of how that lady, in her own working space, cast aside her professional guise and cried for Anne.
It was into the second week that it hit me, and while I knew to expect it, it didn't make it any easier.
One morning sitting having breakfast alone in the house, I started to pray for Anne, and as I did, the floodgates opened wide, and the tears flowed. I sobbed and sobbed as the enormity of the situation crushed me - Anne is not coming home. I remember reading somewhere that it is not the person with Alzheimers who suffers, it is the one left behind. I now understand what they meant - it is another stage in the grieving process.
But life has to go on, and I am increasingly encouraged each time I visit Anne as I am greeted by that smile of recognition. I am also encouraged by the care she is receiving and the activities that the care home provides to stimulate her and her fellow residents.
I mentioned earlier, that I have been overwhelmed by the support I have received, both in person and in messages. There are two I want to mention. Firstly, our eldest grandson has decided to hold a coffee morning in early October to raise funds for Alzheimers and the care home where Anne now resides. How can a boy of 7 years of age display such compassion and love?
And secondly, I have mentioned in previous blogs that on 2nd September the Alzheimer Scotland Memory Walk is taking place in Inverness. Well, together with our son and brother-in-law, another of our grandson's is joining us. At the tender age of 5, he wants to walk with us and raise funds for Alzheimers. I am so blessed.
To those who have already donated to my fundraising page for this Memory Walk, thank you so much - it means a lot to me. Anne will not be joining us as I now realise that this could be a step too far for her. However, if you would like to support Alzheimers Scotland as we walk for Anne, you can still make a donation at https://www.justgiving.com/fundraising/gordon-h-brown
Given what has happened this month, I am considering reducing the frequency of this blog. And so, to my many readers - thank you for your messages of support, and sharing the journey with me - it's not over, but the burden is now getting lighter. A few people have suggested I publish these blogs in a short booklet form and I will give that some thought in the coming weeks and months.
In the meantime, thank you all again for your amazing support and compassion.
until next time
aye
Gordon
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